To my dearest:
It’s MY BIRTHDAYYYY today! Yep, it’s today! A year ago today, I was in Hong Kong struggling through my quarter-life crisis and here I am, a year later, back in New York. It’s been one hell of a year and a bumpy ride. It hasn’t at all been a smooth sailing, but I’m grateful for everything that happened, the obstacles I have to face, and the desire to overcome. I’m still in the process of learning to deal with everything, but I did learn a lot this year, so I wanted to share THREE THINGS I learned through my quarter-life crisis.
ONE. Stay true to yourself. Don’t let people around you distract you from being you.
Ever been in those situations where you’re in a group and you just don’t fit in because you don’t agree with what they’re saying and/or doing? Well don’t get distracted by their ideas, be above the influence and do not conform. Stay true to who you are and what you believe in.
This was a challenge I had many experiences dealing with. Let’s face it, being a girl isn’t easy. There is just so much gossip going on and cliques – it’s never ending. There is always a desire to try and fit in, and standing ground may be the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling so alone.
An experience I had was when I worked in Hong Kong for a short period of time. I was trying to make friends through the job since I hardly knew anyone in the new city. However, I later found out they all disliked this one girl, because they thought her actions were annoying and pretentious and started ostracizing her. The options were to either comfort her and try to talk to the others about seeing things in a different perspective and be viewed as an outsider or to join the crew and ostracize her. There’s also the third option, to remain neutral and say nothing.
The third option may have been the smartest. However, being me – I felt it was unjust for the girl to be treated that way. So, I ultimately chose the first option and tried to calm the girls down whenever they felt annoyed by her pretentious actions. Did it make the girls dislike me? No, not really. But they knew I was different then them, so of course wouldn’t include me in their little circle. Did I feel alone? Yes. Did I make the right decision? Yes. Ultimately, staying true to yourself is the most important. You can and will find people who will be your friend and accept that side of you.
TWO. Let your heart be vulnerable, even if it gets hurt.
C.S Lewis is one of my favorite authors. A particular quote I’m quite fond of is:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change, it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
I’m a sensitive girl and quite dramatic. I give my heart easily and trust just as quick. I admit I’ve been well sheltered, and some may even say I’m naïve – you show me a hint of goodness and I automatically think you’re a good person and we’re on good terms.
The story with the ostracized girl from Hong Kong didn’t end there. After I showed her support, I later found out that she actually bad mouthed me a lot behind my back and she didn’t like me either. At the moment, I did feel hurt and that I did everything in vain. But after I sat back and thought about it, I realized I did not regret it one bit. I showed her love when she most likely needed it most, and I’m hopeful that she felt it and may one day share it. It only takes a spark, to keep the fire going.
THREE. Just, Let It Go.
Oh Elsa, she sings it so so well. I think many parts of the lyrics are quite relatable.
“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all.
Let it go, let it go.”
This is still a lesson I’m constantly trying to learn and remind myself of. To be honest, I can be quite stubborn and I’m not the most optimistic person. I complain a lot and am a worry wart, so I’m probably more pessimistic than I am optimistic. I find myself constantly stuck in situations where I feel upset with a situation, someone, or something.
I find that distancing myself from a situation and taking a good look at the whole picture makes me understand more of others actions and why they do what they do. I’m sensitive, so I easily feel hurt in relationships when conflicts arise. Distance allows my brain to process everything, but you know how the heart never agrees with the brain. Learning to let things go and be less stubborn in these situations makes life easier for yourself and others.
There’s much more where that came from, but just sharing bits and pieces today. I don’t know if this is too much for a supposedly, “Happy Birthday” post. However, it just felt right for me because I’ve been going through a slump in many relationships and there has been so much struggle recently, and the past week really was not the best. So I’m really not in the best mood. All of it brought me to do a lot of deep reflection, so I felt I should share as well as remind myself.
I hope I didn’t bum any of you out, but instead provided some positive insight! I’m flying off to Orlando tomorrow, so hopefully things pick up from there and I can just relax and enjoy! Feel free to share your thoughts! I look forward to hearing from you all! Now off to enjoy my birthday! Ta Ta For Now!
For reference, I am 5 feet 2 inches. I typically wear XS/S or 0-4 for apparel and 6.5-7.5 for shoes.